I can hear the temptation of my long lost laziness, I can smell the sweet sense of holiday are luring after me, and i woo hoo.. i'm officially free from all sort of exam & assignments, from now onwards i can start my shake leg program till next year, goyang,goyang & goyang all my time, though, this semester break wouldn't have any hype things going on, maybe, maybe..except going to have an awesome Christmas eve celebration with J & Popcorn, then,family BBQ gathering on Christmas day, basically,this year would just have a full of family loves & warm Christmas, no crazy party, no overdose or any drunken story, but,upon all those rushing assignments & chasing after those syllabus that i had missed, all i want to do is just do nothing & be simple, that 's enough to make me happy.
Back to my part time job, yesterday was my 1st day of handling my own class, honestly, it wasn't as wonderful as i though of, kids no longer giving that innocent & cute imagine anymore, i would say, its pretty much scary. along the group that i carry on, there are 2 autism kids, me,saya, that acting smart, i thought making them feels like a normal kid, so,i put them to sit together & play together, but,then,i think i had just shocked them, 1 of the boy,just stood up & started to scream at me, *cause he cant communicate with us. then,i gotta chase him back to sit still & continue his class work, then,because of this,it shocked the rest as well, all & all,yesterday experience wasn't that pleasant nor a good start. hopefully,by learning their 'pattern', i would able to improve myself & give them the best learning experience with me. playing with kids is fun, teaching kids is Horrible, lesson learned.
Going through all those ups & down, we are here in the last month of year 2009, so,have you ever try to figure & analyzed what have you been doing along this year? did you ever do something actually for yourself? or just being something other wants & needs? for me, i felt this year passed by really fast, it definitely not a bed full of roses, smooth & silky, it gets tougher than i thought. as the year coming to an end, i have pretty much free time & flashed back all the incidents that had been happened, no matter from friendship to love life to family to studies or to my personal matter, i faced lots & lots of hardship, then,till a stage i can't take it & leave to Russia for 2months, the reason not to hide from reality, indeed,thought of to improve & pick up myself, to recharge my mind, and face the reality. yes,it does make me realized really much, but,it does change certain part of my life in a way that wasn't i really wanted, and,i just cant help it & slipped away. there is no way to be the winner all the time, you will lose and its depend on yourself to grab it back again.
as some people said, my life really like a drama, problem comes in bulk,yet,happy moment can be counted by my ten fingers. it wasn't as good as it seen, along this year, just like riding on the roller coaster, hype after hype, every turning is an obstacles, however, i still go through it,isn't it? as i always said, its okie, i'm fine, after all life is just all about taking risk & learn from it. i believe god always has its reason for us, have faith and next year will be a good start again.
what enough is enough, what has past already in the history, there is no meaning pointing the blame or guilt to anyone or yourself, look forward and grow into a new leave, as life got no take two, whats the point of making so many turning back & forward?
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there,as i did mentioned before, i got a part time job,working as an assistant tutor in a kids learning center, good news is... starting from next week, i will have my own group of pre school kids & a classroom, its like having my own little space for teaching, upon i just worked for 3 class, and they put me into such position,i do think its pretty good,isn't it? so,now i don't have to be somebody assistant, or 1 person doing 3 people work load that kinda thingy, all i have to do just respond everything about my kids. yeah.. though,it wasn't any cool cool stuff, at least what i had put on did get a paid off. =)
back to today i had a great outing Sunday, as last year i couldn't achieve my wish to have a photo shoot in all those major mall along with the Christmas theme, as i always love Christmas,despite my passion, i just have a very simple idea,thought of making it as my collection in a X'mas scrapbook. sound silly to ya? but,this year i found someone really that silly & willing to play with me, thus,we managed to hit our 1st destination. Mutiara Damasara. cause it was outdoor, so i just try my luck & bring Popcorn along, surprisingly, it works! we able to do so in Ikano & the street, but,got shoo by the guard when we enter The Curve, after all,its ok, as they didn't really rude to us & even let us to finish the photo session. for the following trip, i don't think i can smuggle Popcorn anymore, maybe Pyramid? will plan ahead more, pictures will be expose when mission complete.
Jiang.. Jiang.. Jiang.. Jiang~~ Finally,the owner of Popcorn is willing to expose her pretty face to everyone. here she is, my 2009 early Christmas pressie from J, She is a Pure Apricot color coated Toy Poodle, born on the 10 of October 09, which means, today she is exactly 2 months old..=) she been staying with me for almost a week, everything seem fine, except she is rather picky on her diet, everyday i have to soak her dry food half an hour earlier with warm water before feeding her, in order all the kibbles are soften, besides that, to make her drink water is harder than forcing a child to do maths in the center, i have to lure & praise her with cheese, to make her drink a little bit more. so young & already so degil, i really have to be firm with her discipline, as my cousin said, looking at her little puppy eyes, how on earth you got that heart to punish her, then later on,she will take things for granted & climb over my head! nah ar.. no way Popcorn..
Anyhow, she still a very good girl after all, like today, i slept till around 2pm, i 'accidentally' skipped her breakfast time, she didn't make any noise, indeed, sleeping soundly on her bed, and didn't messed up my room, but,there is just 1 weird thing of her, she will never do her business on the sheet i prepared for her, indeed, always do it right beside or just next to the sheet,called as Wee Wee Pad. but at least on the right compound,huh, isn't clever?
Blink blink blink, its December, blink a few more times then will be Christmas, though my family had stop celebrating Christmas ever since dad left us, mom don't even wanna decorate the Christmas tree anymore, it just left untouch for years in the store.
looking through those post along all these years, it seem i always suffer a lot going through this season, it always remind me of those sweet memories i had with dad, it makes me feeling really down seeing kids with their dad, but this year.. i would say i seem way better than just good, i got this feeling it would be great! ever since step into the month of Dec, things change to the better side, i saw good sign on going with my days, its been so long i have waited all these to me, my past few months just feels like living without my real self, so miserable, everything just turn upside down after i came back, so much to carry on, so little time to digest, now,it seem to be all clear out, the rainy day in me has gone.. poof!
sometimes its all depend on yourself, how you view & carry on the matter, its not something that others can help you, the more helpless you felt, the more you would realized & found out your ability in surviving, all i would say, along with my days living alone in Russia, coming back surviving all those unfamiliar feelings, finally,i came to a point to get myself back, and i did striking it pretty well. i have change the perspective upon my life, i learned, i move.
though, think back, again,it wasn't any pleasant thing, i still learning through the hard way, but,this time i don't blame on it anymore, i still really in love with this special festive. for me, Christmas always never fail to bring some kind of magic upon me, of cause when you were young, you love it cause of the present from daddy & mommy, i still remember, every year without fail, me & my bro will go to toys department store to pick our favorite toys. comparing this & that, spend hours on choosing our best toys, then,went to the wrapping counter & wrap it up, sleep & eat with the present, waiting patiently till boxing day to come. it was the joy i have when i was young, whats yours?
come back to present, in this semester break, i got a pretty good part time job, by only working 2 days in a week with not so much heavy matter to carry on, that's really better than being a lazy worm leeching on the couch. and then, there something, i think it was too good to be true, for this year Christmas, i got a toy Poodle,an early Christmas pressie, well,to be true, it wasn't because of just a pup to be excite for, and of cause i know, having a pet its not a joke, beside giving the basic living needs, there are way much more to do, but its okie when she come to a doggie lover home.=) mainly it is from this person, that gave me her as a pressie, it does bring much meaning than just a present, and of cause it is a life matter too, from those promises, effort & commitment, this person wanna prove much more than just purely words, as myself, it is so hard to get back the trust & faith, everything seem so doubtful, it is so pointless & wasting time upon things like that, yet, still wanna go on & prove more, therefore, decide to take care & share responsible of this pup together, hoping by this may close those unhappy & heartbreaking holes that had left in us, and lead to a better one, and so,i gave this opportunity to us, for me to throw away the bad & look forward upon what i really want, for this person a second chance & prove all those thing, as only future we would see. a little intro of my new pup, her name is Popcorn, why would she called as this name, you will know on the coming post.
My blog seem to be kinda death isn't it, recently,i just got nothing much to update, no inspiration through my days, indeed,it was purely plain,bored & dead locked up with my 3 stupid elective subject, all squeeze together in a short semester, apparently, ever since i came back from Russia, i already missed half of the semester, chasing back the lecture & assignments, all these really driven to my maximum, its enough of all those insanely stress, next week will be business & econ department exam, 2 more weeks later will be my major subject finals.
To be honest, i got no idea how i go through my Oct & Nov, for this 2months,most of the time i was, drinking during the day in lecture, smoking more then ever & etc, day as night, night as day, every thing so messed up, seem not gonna wash away my thoughts. it feels suck. sometimes, i just felt that, i actually get back to before, i bringing out that mask to my stage again, the smile that i put was fake, the passion that i show was not me. i pause, i stop moving, right now,i have a very confusing moment in my life, i never know what could i do for myself, i could never plan for what i would do for next, i could never think of who i should work hard for, days are bright,but i could only see darkness. all these wasn't what i expected when i get back from my internship, i wanna be a solid minded person, at least it has it meaning to live.
Human being always seek new things in life, to say it other ways,human should seek new things in their life, there is where all new excitement begin, so,we human,will never stop seeking new things in their life in whatever aspect, at least this is the meaning of life, i guess. but whenever you get new things in your life, somehow or somewhere, you gonna lose some of the things too, which we refer to the old ones, but, is there any guarantee that new are always good? what if.. there are gonna harm you more than ever? so,does that worth to take a bet & risk upon that? or should we stay in the same spot and never seek for improvement?
By this time, i actually want a change in my life, i always want to be different, that's why i choose to go for my internship so far from where i am, i love challenge, i love new stuff, but, why is there such a weird change after i came back? it seem to taste bitter & harder than before. Story could end that time, but memories never end, it still strongly stored in the deepest part of me, it still pain like hell every time i think of it.
